i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
