goodnight i made you a song goodbye
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
