She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
