It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
