you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
