My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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