ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
