It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
