Nicole vs. Life
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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