every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
