Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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