Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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