1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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