What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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