Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
