Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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