Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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