Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
