I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
