I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
