I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
