I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
