so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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