Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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