Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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