happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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