New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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