are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize