remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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