That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
