apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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