i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
