he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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