Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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