Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
