hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
