There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
