Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
