i already hear my dad disowning me
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
