put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
