You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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