Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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