Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
