My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
