I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
