He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
