We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You can't just leave with hair like that
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
