i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
