xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
