Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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