There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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